When I started this blog – I was totally committed to at least writing a post once a week. I did pretty good for the first few months. But then life got a head of me!
I have always been a type A personality in that I am constantly doing something. I can’t remember any time in my 50 years where I spent days doing nothing. A day here, a day there, lounging in my pj’s in front of the TV sure, but for the most part I may complain I have so much to do – but I must love all the activity cause I am always taking on a new project! But this year, I think I have truly reached my limit. Or maybe it’s just there are other things I want to do- like write! But I am coming to terms with the fact something has to go!
As I think of all my extracurricular activities, there are very few that don’t bring me joy. That makes it very difficult in deciding what to walk away from. Some activities are confidence boosters – doing things that I know I do well. But most these days are activities that provide personal growth and exploring new facets of the real me. If I focus only on those activities that I am learning, my self confidence may falter a bit. Prime example is teaching. Last week I had my semester observation. It did not go as well as I would have liked: rescuing the class from silence when they are unsure of the question asked, moving too fast to the next subject matter, allowing one student to dominate the discussion. All things I can see in my self and all constructive feedback for me to work on. But what did I do upon hearing this feedback? I sulked and wonder if I should continue teaching! Thus I need to balance personal growth with sustaining confidence. So then again, what do I walk away from?
Noting its been over 5 weeks since my last post, I know if I am committed to this, something has to give. The question remains, what? I have been searching for the answer and there is nothing I want to walk away from – except my non extracurricular activity which consumes 40-60 hours of my week. My paying job. The one activity that allows me to do many of my other activities. It’s impossible right now to walk away from. Yet here it is, Monday morning, and I am dreading going to the office. Yet there was a time I enjoyed my job. It’s been awhile, but it was there. I felt challenged, yet confidant. The best of both worlds; having the ability to do a job well and feel good about it while also continuously learning from others around me. It’s not that way anymore. It’s routine. It’s mundane. And there is no higher purpose.
So I am still searching for a decision on what activities to walk away from. I can’t yet walk away from my real job even though it brings me little happiness these days. And yet I can’t keep up with all my desired activities. And yet I can’t continue to stretch myself so thin. It is not fair to the groups and people I work with. And it’s not fair to me to never have my day now and then to just sit in my pj’s all day. If there is a simple solution out there for me – please – someone share! But for now I will do what I do and hopefully find some guidance in my own thoughts when I finally slow down enough to hear them.